Exercise 5: Combined Pantoum

Lost In A Mystery

I was scared of the silence
It was a peculiar moment
the needle dropped into the first groove
There was something beyond all that

It was a peculiar moment
I used to wonder what it was about the dam that made me think of it
There was something beyond all that
When she flicked off the backlight

I used to wonder what it was about the dam that made me think of it
I couldn't stop looking up at the sky
There was something beyond all that
I shaked my head

I couldn't stop looking up at the sky
The needle dropped  into the first groove
I shaked my head
I was scared of the silence

Line Sources

At the Dam by Joan Didion - Lines 2, 4 & 6

Nude Interrogation by Yusef Komunyakaa - Lines 1,3, 10 & 12 

Critique 5: What I think about Pantoum Poems

 What I think About Pantoum Poems

Pantoums make interesting poems
Because the lines should make sense when repeated.
It may seem like a limiting factor
But the structure also paves the way for creativity

Because lines should make sense when repeated
You have to be careful with word choice
But the structure also paves the way for creativity
It's almost like a Free Verse

You have to be careful with word choice
For the poem to be coherent.
It's almost like a Free Verse
Because there's no set line length or syllables

For the poem to be coherent
It may seem like a limiting factor.
Because there's no set line length or syllables
Pantoums make interesting poems

Exercise 4: Inspired by Hemingway

Inspired By Hemingway

The Panasonic batteries, the advanced camera, and the recorder, the headphone, the sound of rain, waves crashing and trees dancing, and skills were all you needed.

Critique 4: How Berry Creates Character

Laurie Berry creates character in her short fiction, Mockingbird, through image, voice, action, desire and presentation.

Image - The very first line of the story provides visual description, which suggests that Peter got sun burned in Mexico.

Voice - Rachel's comment about the people's house and their "nice things" suggest that she's observant. Peter's response indicates that that he has a greed for money. Her realization of being "in love with a man who has just traveled to a third world nation to play tennis" tells us that she is quite frivolous. When Peter looks up guiltily and asks her not to say anything, we see another aspect of his character. He hereby seems diplomatic because he turned his comment into humor without embarrassing himself.

Action -  Drinking vodka in the second paragraph suggests that Peter and Rachel are laid back individuals. Since they were gossiping and spying, I got the impression that they were idle and simply passing time.

Desire - Her longing for Peter revealed her lack of self-pride because they made "love with the windows open." She desires him so much that she's unconcerned who sees.

Presentation - The second line in the introductory paragraph seems to be an example of authorial interpretation because Berry tells us that Rachel "is at that swooning stage of love." She did not have to mention this because her actions reveal that she is a giddy teenager.

Critique 3 - Elegy for My Sister

On Elegy for My Sister by Sherod Santos

This poem evokes a mood of sadness through the diction and calm tone. It starts off with a list of things that reminds the speaker of his sister. I think this is a creative way to start a poem. The list suggests that the speaker misses his sister a lot. They must have been close because there's so much that reminds him of her. The last stanza indicates that the person died young because she had a doll and an imaginary friend.

When My Friend Left the Earth (Exercise 3)

When My Friend Left The Earth

It is 7:30am in New Orleans, a Saturday
a few days after my
job training
First day of work
By 8am I am there

The library is so quiet
Barely anyone
there
the sound of
nothing

Off I go
After my shift
To take
a short nap

zzz zzz my phone alerts
Did you hear what happened, says
my friend

I am hurt, speechless, shocked
Mind frozen and stiff
Inside
I feel dead too

Exercise 2: So Much Depends Poetry

So Much Depends  I

So much depends
on flowers blooming
So much depends
on bright sunny days
So much depends
on leaves falling
So much depends
on snow falling
So much depends
____________________
So Much Depends II.

So much depends
on mothers

yesterday, today and
tomorrow

where we come
from

where we are
going

what we will
become
mothers, mothers, mothers

_______________________________
So Much Depends III.

So much depends
on

the things we
do

the things we
assume

black and white
day

and night; births
deaths
________________________________

Critique 2: The Red Wheelbarrow

The Red Wheelbarrow is a poem divided into four couplets that focuses on one wheelbarrow. A wheelbarrow would seem very simple for most people. But in this poem, it gets an unusual significance.

The word "red" in the title possibly indicates the wheelbarrow's imminent signification. Red often attracts attention. Perhaps this is also why the author chose to have an isolated stanza about just "a red wheel/barrow."

The poem is also comprised of enjambments, which create a rhythm. The enjambment also creates suspense because after you read a line, there is uncertainty of what follows.For example, in the first line, the author begins with "so much depends." After reading this line I didn't know where the poet was going with this. However, I was intrigued because I wanted to know what so much depends on. Therefore, enjambments can make a poem more interesting.

The speaker of the poem seems to be an observer because it is not written in first person. I get the impression that the setting is a farm and the speaker is a nearby farm boy or farm girl. It could also be a country setting if it's not a farm.Also, the diction is very simple, the tone is calm and there is not much going on in the poem.

Critique 1: Empty Room Haiku

The empty room haiku by Jack Cain, which is unrhymed as a typical haiku should be, evokes profound emotions of loneliness and depression. The writer's use of enjambment creates suspense after the first two lines. The fact that the hanger is "swinging" is an indication of recent abandonment. Another speculation is that a nearby window or door was left open and the breeze had the hanger swinging. Also, the visual image that these words create, suggests possible tension that led to the described scene. Perhaps a couple was arguing and one partner decided to walk out, leaving the other in desolation... So little words, but so much can be inferred.

Exercise 1: My Haiku

"A poem is a small or large machine made out of words." William Carlos Williams



Small or large machine

A machine made out of words

A poem: machine